I'm gonna be totally level with you. I am not really a touchy feely guy by nature. I think a lot of it is my autism and the stunted social growth that I've acquired because of that. People get too close and it's just difficult for me to relax. People start grabbing my hand to shake it, slappin my shoulders, my back, gah I wanna run and hide but of course I can't because good lord, how would that look?
I'm not a touchy feely guy but if someone learns how to touch me properly, the electric shocks of touch turn into a warm soothing comforting blanket of touch. Unfortunately it's both unrealistic and impossible to condition the entire world to learn proper touch techniques for the hyper sensitive autistics in the world which is why some do not even try at all. The genius Temple Grandin invented for herself the hug machine also called the squeeze machine.
"The squeeze machine device developed by the author consists of two padded side boards which are hinged at the bottom to form a V shape. The user steps into the machine and lies down on the inside in the Vshaped crevicelike space. The inside surfaces of the device are completely lined with thick foam rubber. Deep touch pressure stimulation is applied along both sides of the person's body, with lateral pressure pushing inward onto the body (Fig. 1). The V-shaped space supports the body fully from head to toe, so that the users can completely relax. The contoured padding provides an even pressure across the entire lateral aspects of the body without generating specific pressure points. The foam-padded head rest and padded neck opening are covered with soft fake fur. When the neck opening closes around the neck, it enhances the feeling of being surrounded and contained by the embrace of the deep touch pressure squeeze." - Temple Grandin
http://www.grandin.com/inc/squeeze.htmlThere are lots of us though who do continue to try to find someone who will learn the right kind of touch we need. A lot of us who are autistic seem to find it in each other. That's how it has worked for my wife Corrie and I.
I had been in relationships before though not very many. I'll be the first person to admit that I am the hardest person to love. My first marriage was a disaster. Neither one of us was capable of truly communicating what each of us needed. We just ended up hating and resenting each other for it. She was careless and I was apathetic. For a long time I wondered if I was capable of even being in a relationship. If I had the goods to make it work. When it came to sex I was a novice, when it came to intimacy? I didn't even understand what it meant. That's about the time I was turned on to works written by Jerry Newport who stressed that loving, satisfying relationships were possible for people like me. When I read about he and his wife Mary's relationship and the struggles and triumphs they've been through it made me realized that with patience and work I could find a love like that. I could find someone who 'got' me and who would understand my need for specific types of physical contact.
I'm proud to say I've met that person and we have been together for over three years now. It did(and still does) take work being that we are both autistic we have trouble communicating but we try. I am learning to be more patient and not to fly off the handle when every little thing goes wrong. She's learned to read me pretty well, when and how to touch and not to cower away if it's not the right time.
I can't sleep while cuddled together but there really is no feeling in the world like a soft warm body right next to mine at night. Just to know she is there and to feel her there is like heaven. She gives me foot rubs too that aren't too gentle but they don't hurt me either. I'm also proud to say I have learned what true intimacy is and have her to thank for that. The closeness and synchronicity that we feel as a couple is amazing and is unlike even my most vivid dreams.
I remember when she first came to visit me I had to work one of the days she was here. When I came home she was sitting and watching a TV show and I sat on the floor in front of her and she wrapped her whole body around me and held me. It wasn't too firm but it wasn't too soft either. It felt perfect. It felt like going home. That one moment solidified it for me that I had to try and find a way to spend the rest of my life with this girl.
What can I say? I am lucky and blessed to have found her. And all it took was one touch.
-If you are interested in learning more about Temple Grandin please visit her home on the web
http://www.grandin.com I also highly recomend reading Jerry Newports books, he has three, which are all avalible on amazon.com
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finding_bliss's journal
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